Post, RE:2 Leon (clean fluff)
Concept- After the months leading after the events of Raccoon City, Leon struggles with nightmares. One night, it seems worse than usual, and you’re desperate to comfort your traumatized boyfriend.
CW- alcoholism sorta (implicitly stated)
A/N- If you want some Leon smut, don’t worry, I’ve got something along the way. This is just a purely self-indulgent piece, because I’ve been going through it and really need some fluffy support.
You were somewhat confused at first, as you blinked your eyes open carefully, attempting to adjust to the darkness in the room. You weren’t sure what had woken you up at first, as you tiredly gazed around the room.
After finding nothing, you rolled back over, ready to fall back asleep, when the sound of a quiet whimper made you shoot up.
It seemed to get a little louder, and as you glanced over to the other side of the bed, you noticed Leon’s quivering form. His eyes weren’t closed, but squeezed tightly, as he thrashed at the sheets, his hand balling the fabric. His body moved once again, as his teeth grit into each other and his mouth moved. The man’s voice was quiet, and you couldn’t make out much.
“I failed…” was the only coherent sentence. Despite being covered in the blankets he seemed to be shivering. No matter how often you tried, the man refused to sleep with little more than his boxers, claiming he’d just get hot in the night.
You couldn’t help but feel a twinge in your heart, not surprised by his actions. It wasn’t like this was new for Leon. Ever since the events of Raccoon City, it was rare he got a moment of peace. Despite being there, you two had only found each other later in the night. Some of the horrors he talked about, made you reevaluate your own events that night.
What startled you most however, was that his movements seemed to be a little bit more spastic than usual, and he was… sobbing. He kept repeating words and phrases to himself.
“Leon…” you whispered quietly, not wishing to cause him any more harm than he had already gone through. Unsurprising, your words didn’t seem to have an effect on him. In fact, his movements only seemed to grow more erratic, as he shifted around, disturbing the bedsheets.
“My fault… All my fault,” you made out.
You gently shook him, instantly worried. The movement seems to shake him, as he quickly sits up, moving your arms away from him. Leon’s actions catch you off guard, as you lose your balance falling off the bed.
You were surprised however, when Leon quickly reached over, steadying your balance. Even though he had just been asleep moments ago, his instincts were still pretty sharp.
His blue eyes held that all too familiar tired look, as he gazed down at you for a moment, making sure you were safe.
Leon groaned slightly, running a hand across his face. He looked so closed off, compared to the emotions he had displayed before. You could see the tension ripple in his back muscles, as his shoulders tightened up.
“sh*t…” he breathed quietly, before turning to see you.
The look on your face must’ve been unpleasant, as his features softened, and he gently reached out, rubbing your arm.
“I’m sorry babe, did I wake you…?” he asked quietly, holding back a yawn.
Despite everything he’d been through, he was always ever so gentle with you. Your heart softened from his touch, as you carefully placed your hand over his. He had been the one struggling, and was worried that he had woken you up.
“Another nightmare?” you whispered softly.
Leon didn’t say much, slowly letting go of you. He looked so guarded, as his lips tightened and his eyes dropped back down. He seems unsure what to say, only shrugging softly.
“Nothing to worry about. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” he answered.
The look in his eyes reminded you of a puppy that had been scolded. They were glassy, though you couldn’t tell if that was from lack of sleep or being haunted by a million memories from that night. Either way, he didn’t seem interested.
“Leon?” you asked quietly.
He doesn’t seem to hear your response though, instead pulling the covers back, as he turns, setting his feet on the wood floor. His hand raises, as he pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly. Then, the blond reaches for the drawer on the bedside table, running through the contents.
After a moment, he slams the drawer annoyed, his hands revealing nothing. You didn’t have to ask, you knew what he was looking for. You frowned at the circ*mstance, moving over to sit beside him.
This seems to make Leon tense up more, as he stares at the ground awkwardly.
You gently took his hand, using your thumb to carefully caress his knuckles.
“Please…Talk to me,” you pleaded gently.
Leon only shrugged softly, pulling his hand away.
“It’s fine… you just get back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you.”
Carefully, he lifts himself off the bed and leaves the bedroom without another word. Your heart sank, at his words, watching his silhouette slip away. It wasn’t like you had expected him to start talking, no you knew better than that. You still couldn’t help the disappointment you felt in his disappearance however.
You rubbed your eyes carefully, as you made your way after him. The wooden floor was cold against your bare feet, and creaked under your weight. It seemed to wake you up a bit more. You fumbled through the dark room a little less gracefully than Leon, but eventually found the door and cracked it open.
You weren’t surprised to find Leon hunched over your dining table, a bottle in his hands. Your shoulders drooped, as you pulled out the chair beside him. You thought moving the flask out of the bedroom would help defer his habit. Knowing Leon however, you should’ve expected him to have stashed something around the house. He doesn’t meet your eyes as he glances down, swirling the bottle quietly to himself.
“What was it this time…?” you asked cautiously, choosing to ignore the bottle for now. The last thing you wanted him doing right now was shutting you out.
You couldn’t quite make out his features in the darkness of the room, but you could hear the bottle moving around between his hands. The dark liquid makes a soft sloshing sound. The room is silent aside from that, and Leon seems to be studying the table.
You slowly reach over, wrapping your hand around his.
“Leon…”
Upon hearing you say his name, he stops, but his grip on the bottle doesn’t loosen up. His ice blue eyes feel particularly cold in that moment, as he stares blankly at you. Leon’s gaze doesn’t hold, as he looks down, letting out a quiet sigh.
“It’s always something…” he whispered.
You stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. Eyeing him for any indicators as to what you could possibly do. You felt your chest tighten, at the sound of his foot slowly tapping against the floor. The room seemed to grow a little colder.
“I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I think I’m just tired,” Leon finally finished, closing his eyes, as he let out a breathy sigh.
It wasn’t unlike him to shut down and make excuses. No matter how often you reassured Leon that talking was good, he always seemed to back away from the idea. Almost like if he told you too much, you might slip away into the night and look for something easier to handle. His burdens weren’t your responsibility.
“This time it sounded pretty bad… Was it about Marvin again?”
The blond seems to cower at the name, his thumb running along the bottle, as he takes a long sip. His hair kinda falls all over his face, momentarily covering his eyes. He hadn’t gotten it cut in awhile.
Some nights you’d spend hours brushing your fingers through it, as Leon fell asleep in your lap, lulled by the comfort of your touch. Those were on the nights when you could convince him to let you comfort him. Recently, there have been less nights like that and more like the ones right now. Quiet, as Leon sipped on a bottle, ignoring whatever had disrupted his sleep.
“No…,” he finally replied quietly, setting the bottle down.
“You know that night wasn’t your fault… right Leon?”
Leon seems to shift slightly in the chair, his knee twitching a bit, as he turns his head, now staring at the wall. He doesn’t speak or move after that. You know what he’s thinking, as he avoids your gaze.
You stand up, making your way over to him. You’re startled when he raises his hand however, shaking his head.
“Don’t… Don’t try to excuse my actions. If I hadn’t shown up late… If I had just gotten there a little sooner-”
“Don’t do that to yourself Leon. Don’t beat yourself up over things you couldn’t have possibly known. I was there when it all started, there was nothing you could’ve done for Raccoon City.”
“I could’ve died for it.”
You felt yourself wince, as you carefully wrapped your arms around his torso, burying your head in his neck. He doesn’t seem to respond to your touch, only continuing to look at the wall.
“So many people died because of me… ”
“More people lived because of you Leon. Sherry, Claire, and I escaped because of your help. Sherry is currently safe because of you. I made it out because of you.”
“Yeah, but what about Marvin? Or Anette. Or… or Ada…” he whispered, now finally meeting your gaze. You knew what he was looking for. His screams could be heard all throughout the facility, as you made your way forward. The desperation in his voice. Ada’s death hit him the closest. Being so close to saving her, only for her to slip in his grasp. How couldn’t he blame himself?
“None of that is on you Leon…” you breathed softly, looking up, but not removing your hands. “You did everything you could.”
The man pulled away from your touch, standing up now. He ran both his hands along his face, as he let out a frustrated sigh. Leon started pacing back and forth, once again not meeting your gaze.
“I had her, right in my hands. And I… she just…”
“There was nothing you could do…"
Leon turned, grabbing the back of the chair closet to him. His grip was so tight you could see his knuckles beginning to pale. His blue eyes seemed to darken, as he closed them, lips pulling into a thin line.
"I could’ve saved her. If I had just been stronger… If I didn’t go charging out there-”
“Leon… you can’t save everyone.”
“It was my job to save everyone. It was my job to ensure the safety of others. I failed before I could even get into it.”
It was often he spiraled like this, and each time hurt a little bit more than the last. To know how Leon saw himself, left an ache in your chest. Between seeing all the death around him and knowing he was one of the few to survive, gnawed inside of him like a parasite.
“Leon, how many times that night did you put yourself first? Even if it meant endangering others?”
His head shot up startled, as he studied your frame. He’s wordless for a minute, almost confused by your words. You notice his grip on the chair eases, but the glassiness in his eyes only seems to increase.
“I… What? Never, why would you ask that?"
"Exactly… your entire time there, you did nothing but risk your life for others. Hell… I watched you take a bullet for a woman you barely knew,” you gasped out, dropping your shoulders.
The tension in Leon’s shoulders seemed to tighten, as he grit his teeth, shaking his head.
“It didn’t matter… saving her life doesn’t make me any better, if I also am the one that took it.”
“You didn’t shoot the bullet.”
“I might as well have.”
“Leon-”
You’re startled when his voice rises, and you can see tears slowly slipping down his eyes.
“How much longer until I fail you the same way…?”
With those words, the tension in the air seems to snap, and his voice sounds so loud. It echoes and reverberates in your heart. His words seem to flow through your very veins, burning a fire through your body. You want to collapse in his arms or hold him in your own.
You slowly made your way over, taking his face in your hands. His cheeks are soft and wet with tears, as your thumb gently brushes along the ridges. You familiarize yourself with every little detail. The dark circles under his eyes, the tormented look in his pupils, the way his expression seems to soften from your touch.
His face is warm against your fingers, and it’s so quiet you can hear his heartbeat. Leon seems unsure how to react, at first not looking at you but not pulling away either. Standing before you, he’s a tormented and beaten man.
“I’m scared of the day when you realize you can do better than me. That after one too many sleepless nights, you’ll decide I’m not worth the effort. That I’m just… too hard to love.”
With each word he sounds defeated. His cheeks are flushed, and he’s no longer holding back. His tears are now running down, brushing past your fingers. You only tighten your hold, pressing your forehead against his own.
“Baby… I’m with you because I want to be. Every day I wake up and choose to love you, because there’s no one in this world more perfect for me than you. When I wake up in the mornings, and the bed is empty, I practically crave your presence. No love is easy, but for you it’s worth it. I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”
Leon still doesn’t meet your eyes, wearing that worried expression. The one that practically makes your blood turn cold, and leaves you frozen in place. Part of you wonders if he even heard your words, but based on his slight shuffling and avoiding your gaze, you assume he did.
You carefully rested your forehead against his own, feeling a slight pinch in your heart. You needed him to believe your words. To know that you were there for him, and wanted him in every way that mattered.
“Leon… look at me,” you whispered, trying to meet his gaze.
He’s fidgety at first, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. You can see his back tense, and his chest doesn’t even move, almost like he’s holding his breath. Then, Leon lifts his eyes shakily to meet yours. The tears hadn’t left, and he somehow looked more tired than when the conversation had started.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing you could do to make me love you any less. Raccoon City was a lot.”
Leon’s blue eyes sort of squint, probably trying to blink tears away, as he gently pulls his face from your grasp. His shoulders are still hunched, as he bends down grabbing the bottle. He turns it in his hands and lets out a hollow laugh.
“You… I wish I could be the person I used to be. The kind of guy you deserve. One who could sleep peacefully through the night. The kind of person… who doesn’t scream in his sleep and shove his lover over on the bed. The person who can cook you breakfast, and doesn’t wake up hungover and angry. And it hurts, because I know I’m capable of being that guy… that I was that guy. And you never got to meet him. Never got to see what I was like before…what I was like when I was still good. When I deserved someone like you. When you look back on yourself, you’re supposed to see growth, but I just feel like I keep stepping back.”
You shook your head, your chest tightening with his words. The way he looked, as he paced around the tiny dining room made you feel so helpless. You took a few cautious steps forward, relieved that he doesn’t seem to back away.
In the midst of his rant, you just hug him from behind, wrapping your arms tenderly around his stomach. You bury your face against his bare back, as if you can somehow take on all the weight crushing his shoulders. You can feel his breathing slow, at your touch, as his heart rate increases.
Then, you feel his back relax, as he just turns and melts into you. Leon rests his chin on your head, practically crushing you with his weight. Your fingers gently comb through his hair, as you try to give him the reassurance you can.
“You’ve been through a lot Leon, people don’t just walk away from the things you have and remain the same. You acknowledge you can do better, so work towards it. I believe in you Leon, and you’re still a good man. That’s who I fell in love with. That’s who I choose to see, even when you don’t.”
You can feel the blond practically crumble from your words, his cries growing quieter, as he slowly buries his head in your hair.
“I’d be so lost without you…” he whispered.
“You’ll never have to worry about that.”
After a little more reassurance, you two made your way back to the bedroom, his head in your lap, as you talked about small things. Random events, funny office moments, stupid choices you both had made in your past, and anything else that came to mind. Anything to help distract him from the memories of that night.
Within moments, Leon’s head rested cozily on your chest, as you stroked his hair, careful not to pull it too tightly. His words had slowly spilled off into silence, and it wasn’t long before his eyes closed and you could see the slow rise and fall of his chest.
The man’s face was much softer than it had been before, however his grip around you never loosened.
<;3 My A03 Account
